On being Socially Awkward

So you might have guessed from the title that I'm socially awkward. I certainly hope so, its so much easier when your reader understands what you're trying to express. Much like having a friend. Which brings me to the topic of the essay (see what I did there?). Throughout the course of our lives, we inevitably create bonds of companionship and comradery which make our lives more livable and worthwhile. And even though the fact that we all make friends is undebatable; there is a pronounced difference in the rate and voracity with which different individuals make these relationships. 

There are people that I have come across in life, who seem to connect to people with an ease that would make James Bond doubt his social skills. They seem to know exactly what to say and whom to say it to. And most amazingly, they can make time for most of the connections they make. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that this habit or these people ought to be corrected. On the contrary, I'm quite envious of this particular quality that is, to the best of my knowledge, lacking in me.

My social skills have been quite the enigma for me to define specifically. I do not have any reservations when it comes to talking to people, acquaintances and strangers alike. In fact I have developed a quaint proclivity towards conversing with people. However, I find it extremely difficult to connect to people. That is primarily because I am quite averse to sharing my personal opinions with people who do not share my view point; a habit that has arisen due to the harsh and opinionated judgement that is meted out in our society. I won't be so egotistical as to claim that I posses the correct knowledge regarding all topics known to man, or for that matter even a few. What I want to say is that regardless of the accurateness of ones arguments, our current society seems to have a thin patience for non conformists. A corner that I repeatedly find myself pushed to.

That being said, it is not the only reason for my pitiable social talents. I have come to realise, with a great degree of surety, that I am a very sentimental and emotional person. This is something that I hadn't know while in High School. So naturally it came as a shock when I found myself lingering on a minuscule comment made by someone for days. And, so that I'm not misinterpreted, I diagnosed this as a malady within me. Needless to say, this type of behaviour has caused considerable hindrances while trying to befriend people.

Now, I am a pacifist and do not like altercations of any nature, so instead of trying to cure my habits, I chose the solitude of books and media; something that has sustained my lifestyle and become a part of my persona over the past decade. The flip side of this is that now I'm, if possible, even more distant and unable to form lasting connections with others. However, my self imposed role, of quietly observing society, has endowed me with a few benefits. I now, not only see the beauty and bigotry of society but also understand that it is so intricately woven into our psyche that it is nonsensical to judge others solely on their actions. For each action is a result of a series of events which have been unfolding throughout an individual's lifetime. You may call this being diplomatic, some thing that has often been said. But I believe that it is incorrect and damaging to judge a person solely by the nature of action taken at a certain point of time. Though doing this can curb inconveniences and deliver quick justice, it seldom helps in the long run. If one wants proof of this statement, they may look at the state of the world as we know it. I hope that it will suffice as sufficient evidence to support my argument.

I have also had the pleasure, due to my nomadic lifestyle, of coming across a wide range of personalities in the short duration of my life. And though most of the people I have met can be described as being extrovert; it is my view, whether due to my personal inclinations or not I can't be sure, that everyone does have skeletons in their closet which they aren't extremely willing to share. This realization has been quite an eye opener for me. Because it finally put to rest a few demons that I've been battling since my tweens. Mainly that, I'm different (or special) in being a closeted individual. And though this feeling brought with itself a sense of self importance, because which child does not want to stand out; the same had become quite a burden in my mid twenties. The fact that I'm just as normal as any other man (or woman) I've met provides me a sense of relief and strangely, belonging; to a world I struggled to find foot holds in.

I'm still socially awkward, to a great degree in fact. But I've found closure in the belief that no matter how hard we may try, no one truly feels accepted in this world.