Positively Yours: The Diaries of a Pessimist

I try and I try to forget The days of my youth But the memories of the innocence Keep slipping my grasp The days spent wondering Of things we could become The nights spent complaining Of girls we couldn't court The months in the heat Roaming aimlessly tween the corridors The moments we huddled In the winter's cold I miss the shoulders That I'd taken for granted I miss the bonds That I believed would never break The green grass The empty class The broken heart The cold hearth They all remind me Of the best days of my life Of the days spent free of strife Of friends and promises Made between brothers

Every time I see those eyes It stops my heart for a little while Their piercing gaze haunts me Even when I look away. I want to kiss those lips Which have taken over my dreams I want to hold her tight And forever keep her close to me. Her angelic smile,  Has robbed me of joy It lingers in my mind And pricks gently at my soul. So seldom does love come calling Into my empty life So seldom do I feel my hear beat For something other than living. Yet again, we play this game Of hide and seek. And as before love chooses to hide In a place that I cannot seek. 

I pick up my pen today. I feel like writing Today my emotions want to flow Like a flood that's long been dammed And won't be stopped anymore. I shall write of life, Of love and the days gone by Or the days yet to come. I shall pen a beautiful verse For the one who visits me in my dreams. My verses shall echo the pain of the earth They shall speak of tyranny They shall exude the sweet smells Of intellectual revolutions, of hope And peace in our lifetimes. Today shall be the day I write Today shall be the day I create The greatest lines to be written As soon as I can learn to dream again, I swear to my pen, I shall write. 

So you might have guessed from the title that I'm socially awkward. I certainly hope so, its so much easier when your reader understands what you're trying to express. Much like having a friend. Which brings me to the topic of the essay (see what I did there?). Throughout the course of our lives, we inevitably create bonds of companionship and comradery which make our lives more livable and worthwhile. And even though the fact that we all make friends is undebatable; there is a pronounced difference in the rate and voracity with which different individuals make these relationships.  There are people that I have come across in life, who seem to connect to people with an ease that would make James Bond doubt his social skills. They seem to know exactly what to say and whom to say it to. And most amazingly, they can make time for most of the connections they make. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that this habit or these people ought to be corrected. On the contrar...

Round and round it goes, Whence it starts is a mystery When it will end Is an answer I do not know. The sands of time are running out For me that is. For you it may be the start Of wondrous tales yet to pass. Slowly the clock ticks Unhindered in its path. It has a proclivity it seems To erase all that has passed. The leaves, they fall They die, they grow anew. Until perdition and indeed beyond Time will have the final laugh. And life moves on like it's nothing new Yet it bequeaths unto us a force That makes it feel forever fresh That is the gift of love my friend - It makes the world go round. Walk hand in hand, Witness the joys of life. And unlike the select few, You needn't encounter strife.

They walk hand in hand. From their quaint home Till the bus stand. Their eyes shall never part. Either this life or the next They will feel each other's heart. Their hearts beat together now Though when time will have taken it toll They will beat together still. They are lovers, forever entwined In the loving embrace of love They will never grow old to find That they have lived with each other enough So sees the man across the street. And as tears roll down his cheek Though he never know companionship For a moment, his heart did skip a beat. 

Hello There! How do you do? I'm sure you're well I'm fine here And hope you're well too. Isn't the water too cold? I swear its true. Nay, it feels fine against my skin. I'm made of a tougher mold. Should I regale you with a tale of mine? Of a day at work. Or of my reminisces I promise to be worth your time. The talks start thus, and time starts to flow. I loose myself in the conversation. The company of my friend Makes my mood suddenly glow. But all good things must come to a close And I turn off the tap And as the water ceases to flow I turn my back to the mirror And slowly close the door. 

Hi,   So I know that you haven't been wondering why I chose to suffix pessimist on my blog. I'll be honest, I thought it would sound catchy. I thought I would take the silent and brooding loner path towards getting noticed.   This is not completely true though, my saying that I chose this name completely out of my desire for higher page views. It is only partially true. The complete truth is that I chose to highlight a facet of my psyche which stands out from my peer group and consequently has become an acronym for my character. I have long since been the Pessimist of my group, my family and for that fact any gathering that I choose to attend.   As a child it bothered me. I mean to say it couldn't have been easy for a 6 or 7 year old to constantly be reprimanded for what my dad likes to call "Negative thinking". I remember wondering what it was that was so unforgivably wrong with my mindset when all I strived to do was understand how things work. How they rea...

Drip drip drop The rain falls on my hair Tip tip top It flows down the street. Shy and coy Lights flutter in a distance And the hazy smoke rises Clouding my vision. I stay rooted to the spot But my sight wanders To far off places Reminiscing times spent elsewhere. Memories of years spent in the rain Overwhelm me with nostalgia. And as the drops trickle down my face I feel the rain shedding a tear for me.

The wind flows subtly through my hair. Memories long dead speak from the grave. The night feels yet so young. The shoulders of companions still hold so strong In their solace shall i confess to all the sins All that i have loved and lost Shall I lose it once again..? Forever shall I be haunted by the ghosts Of a past which was not to pass Of deeds and actions which had not to last. Burn their reminiscences shall this night. Or i shall burn in this plight Still i seek her touch,her smile To pursue this dream, i shall go many a mile No, i have not forgotten you In my deepest corners, you still reside Your memories haunt me from a land afar The untold experiences tear at my heart. For my mouth is shut but my heart still bleeds. The wounds are fresh though time has had its treat. My victory lies in this defeat For your presence shall my heart cry loud. Forever and for always till He take the word from my mouth My princess, no. i have not forgotten you This pauper s...

A wisp of smoke, A grain of dust, He came and he spoke, To nothigness thence did he dissapear. He lived, He rode, He laughed and spread a cheer. Yet his parting craved to draw a reminse of a tear. This he sees, This he feels, To oblivion shall be his parting This he very well knows. He laughs, He still spreads the cheer. For him the world shrinks to every soul he holds dear. Yet one day he will be gone, From the world of men To the golden throne. Thither shall his fate lie Thither shall he shed his tears. To the unwitting eye, He spreads naught but a cheer.

Tumultous is the past, Even more so the future. The road behind seems a lit, Which till yesterday was dark. The road ahead, the one I tred; Looks lonely, looks starved. Whence have I come, Why this path I take Why do they seems so bleak These decisions that I now make? Yesterday, I remember like the rising sun My heart filled with trepidition My time was come. Yet now as I look back, The memories start to fade. All that remains is a hazy shore And the path that I must take And the decisions I must make.

I walk into a bar unseen, Strange faces with words unknown Chatter endlessly with a possessed passion. And I listen as I fill my jar to the brim. Their incessant words fill my head And images form inside my mind. The jar falls from its wooden stead. As the visions ensnare me in a deathly bind. I find myself in a land so foul It has no sky or land or life. Yet I see myself before my eyes, A hideous monster, a defeated ghoul. If this is me, the who am I? I hear the clank, The Jar breaks at my feet. I wake up, trembling. Clasping at my wooden seat. And as I stare at the empty bar, I know now, what I had known all along. Those were my demons. Indeed that was me.

Walking down this lonely road With me and me lonesomeness Remembering a similar song Of a Man haunted by his loneliness. A sea of humanity passes by Yet it seems I forget to see All but this boulevard ahead All but the shattered dreams and a shattered me. All I see is a shadow beside me Telling me of things I should have been Weighing down on my burdened soul The names of dreams I could have seen. I counsel the wary heart I pacify the fading soul For past the storms we must wade 'Ere we reach our goal. And thus I continue to walk. Along the boulevard. All of me and my shattered dreams. And my shadow walking beside me. P.S. : This is not an attempt of plagiarizing :). I have merely used the song as an inspiration around which to crystallize my thoughts.

Dream a little dream for me Among the stars make me roam. Walk a little walk for me Little child take me home. Break a little smile for me For I may see the heavens shine. Extend your little hand to me So your happiness may also be mine. Dance a little dance with me So I may forget my sorrow. Sing a little song to me So I may hope for tomorrow. Run about little child Extend your hand to the sky. May peace be with you forever Even if it could not be mine.

Sit back and relax all, For a tale is to be told 'Tis not a story of bravery Nor a yarn spun of the faries' gold. Listen ye all to the tale of a child Long since lost in the sands of time. He was no hero nor a shining knight, Nor was he man of Godly might. He lived his life with tad of shame For he knew his life would forever be tough Yet he smiled and walked the miles For his heart was made of sturdy stuff. He tried and tried for a chance in the sun And he failed and failed for it was hard to be won And yet he fought, heart and all and all in all. For he was not to be walked lightly upon. He was but a man like you and me. He was the man we are but do not see. He was a man fueled by dreams And baked in the sea of reality. Tough he lived a valiant life. His tale was forgotten in the sands of time. For he was no hero nor a shining knight, Nor was he man of Godly might.

A dream I dreamt, One I meant to see. A dream it was A dream 'twas meant to be. Your hands in mine, A glimmer of destiny, A flutter of peace A cottage by the sea. A dream I dreamt, One I meant to see, A dream it was A dream 'twas meant to be. As I snuggled into your lap The smoke billows out of our chimmney And as the sun sets in the west, Sends golden ribbons over our abode by the sea. A dream I dreamt, One only I could see, Only a dream it remained A dream that was never meant to be.

I hear them. I hear them when I have closed my eyes. I hear them when I am still awake. I hear them every single night. These noises follow me where ever I go. The ghosts of my past. The sins of the days to come. They haunt my consciousness They burn the very depths of my soul. I close my ears. I hear them. I bar the doors. I hear them. I do nothing. I still hear them. They show me images. Of what I have done Of what I haven’t Of what I could become Of what I couldn’t. I run away from them. But I can’t hide. They always find me They always force me. They force me to confront them. One of these days, I think. I’ll face them I say. I’ll be brave Tell them to go away. But then they whisper And I hear them again. 

I walked and I walked I walked all the day. I talked and I talked I talked along the way. With no one by my side I walked the distance alone. My eyes scanning the horizon Of this desolate bay. Five days I have walked this shore Or has it been five years? My legs grow tired, my eyes go sore. Of which path leads where, I know not anymore. I remember the day my ship drowned. The sea was rough and the weather had groaned But I was a merry sailor with wishes Of seeing nature dethroned. The sea claimed my ship And everything I owned. Now I sit here, reminiscing, Weary eyed and weary boned. Its been a long time here I need to leave But my soul grows weary. I need to sleep. I do not know which path to take Which to discard, which to keep. But I am tired now And I can't go on. And I need to rest It's been so long. I close my eyes And let the night take me. Maybe I will find a way Tomorrow.